Thursday, October 07, 2010


I am going to have a teacher parent conference today! Here is how it would go.

I would walk into the classroom and sit down. The kind teacher would go on to describe my child during school.

"We have several problems with your child. Your child does not sit still. The child's constant request is to go out and ride the bike. The child is constantly talking out loud. In a one hour time period I heard the "F" word ten times. The horse farted, the pig farted, Ma'am even the rocket farted! The child moans at every request. I ask the child to write three sentences and I just handed the child a death sentence! I request the child to do a page of math and in one hour maybe one problem will be accomplished, MAYBE! Your child's favorite subject is art and will talk excessively about the exciting art lesson! All smiles and all learning. That gives me a glimpse of hope. Or that makes me sad, maybe I am not as good as a teacher as the art teacher is? I try not to get discouraged on that one. Another thing, your child has a really stuffy nose and it is draining. I have had to wipe it and of course, that was injury to the child! Or so the child acted like it was being injured.

Oh I am so sorry to have to ask this one. It is quite embarrassing, but do you actually feed your child? The child seems to always be hungry! I just wondered.... sorry to ask.

My final conclusion is this, can you teach your child at home? The child is too hard for me to handle. Thank you."

In reality this is describing six children.... you can guess which child is which. What fun!


Sarah said...

LOL! Mine would be the other way around. I would march myself right into that teacher's office and have a few words with her!
"Teacher, it's come to my attention that your schoolhouse looks a train wreck! Even as I sit here now, I can see crumbs on the floor from yesterday's snack. My child has a large desk, yet you do not teach her to keep her workspace clean. How can she work in such a cluttered environment?! Also, you have children from the younger classes running through the room all day, singing 'Batman smells' and making gun and car sounds. There is a toddler crying all the time. Do you expect my child to concentrate and learn with such distraction? In addition to these concerns, she tells me that you yell at her and criticize sometimes for no apparent reason! My daughter is precious to me and these things are simply unacceptable. Please gain control of both yourself and your classroom if you expect to retain the privilege of teaching my dear child."

Beth said...

You two are very clever in making up these parent/teacher conferences. Made me smile, for sure!

I don't know who's who, though!

Kim said...

I'm wondering who is saying the F word. haha